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Please note that the TOP 10 is normally not written by Bill Eagle (unless his name is attached) nor does it necessarily reflect the opinions of Bill Eagle’s wife, children, pastor, pets, real or past friends. From: David Letterman 9/30/1993 Top Ten Signs You Have No Friends
10. No calls from salespeople pushing MCI’s Friends and Family Plan.9. You go to a video store and say out loud to yourself, “Well, what do you want to rent tonight.”8. You send birthday cards to members of the McLaughlin Group.
7. You are one of five best solitaire players in the world/
6. Your initials are G.S. and you own a major league baseball team in the Bronx.
5. At your funeral the entire eulogy is, “Yep, he’s dead.”
4. Having a Super Bowl party means dressing up your dogs in sweaters and tying them to the furniture.
3. James Taylor sings the first few bars of “You’ve Got a Friend, “ noties you in the audience, and stops.
2. You’re still drinking from the same keg you bought on New Years Eve ‘87.
1. All your phone calls start with “976”
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