I am an old guy, but I can still occasionally learn stuff.

It was Saturday and we were free.  I thought that this would be a great day to take my wife, Claudia, over to Longview for Breakfast.  They have a place at the Kelso Mall where you can eat all you want.  "They make omelets anyway you want them." said I with an enthusiasm that only a true glutton should display.  "You can have pancakes, and waffles, and ham and bacon and sausage and cutlets and rolls…."

"I get the idea," said Claudia.  "We'll go over to the mall and I will watch you gorge yourself.  You always eat way more than you should."

"Yeah" smirked I.  "Isn't that great!"

"I don't want to hear you complaining to me if you have problems afterwards either." scolded my wife.

"Aw come on." I replied, "I enjoy complaining."

"Pahleeeze," responded Claudia.

We both got into my car and headed out to the big cities of Longview/Kelso. 

My wife pulled the sun visor down and looked into an attached mirror.  "I read in the paper that they are having a Lavender festival in Clatskanie."

"A what?"  I mumbled

"A Lavender festival." said my wife.  "They have a farm by Clatskanie where they grow lavender."

"You mean that it's a plant?"  I asked.  "Lavenders don't live in cages?"

"Honestly!"  Responded Claudia.  My wife dabbed some makeup on her nose and continued. "I suppose that we will never get over there will we?"

I remained silent and drove with breakfast in mind.   

We arrived at the Kelso Three Rivers Mall.  I got out of my car and entered my favorite restaurant, JJ North's Buffet. 

I was literally in "Hog heaven" and my wife commented that this was exactly the way that I behaved