of plotting aggression against their neighbors.

North Korean Leader Kim Jong Il may even change his name to Kim Big Jong out of gratitude for our sharing with him our "Proven" medical enhancement technology.

Can't you picture Korea's Fearless Leader addressing the United Nations and the rest of the world: "If my father Kim Il Sung would have been given this opportunity, we would be at peace with the South. Korean women would flock to our country, bringing food and gifts for our men. Thank you America. Thank you President Bush; from here on out we will make love not war."

I was so very enthused by this idea that I ran to my wife bubbling with excitement. "We can peddle his blood purifier and they can use our…uh…enhancement technology. We can sell it on late night television. With every purchase we will include completely free an amazing set of Ginzu knifes ($29.95 Value), a copper bracelet, and a copy of Martha Stewart's cell room decoration hints."

For some reason my wife was less than impressed. She is a bit more prone to science than to sales.

"Bill," said my wife. "The penis pill is a swindle."

I hit my head and cried, "Ow, how can you say something like that, especially when we are so close to achieving peace on the Korean peninsula."

"I just read this article by Mike Brunker on MSNBC," replied my well-read mate. "To quote the article, they have made 74 million dollars conning people into buying something that won't work, and now the government is finally throwing some of them into the pokey."

"Won't work?" said I.

"Won't work!" replied my wife. "If a pill could make your penis grow by somehow affecting your soft tissue, then it would also swell your nipples, nostrils, and lips. The only thing that this pill enlarged was some con artist's bank account."

"Shoot! There goes my solution to world peace," I sighed. "I wonder if North Korea's blood purifier works? I guess if it doesn't work Kim Jong Il won't be changing his name, and we won't be seeing peace very soon on the Korean Peninsula."

I smiled to myself. At least my SPAM filter seemed to be working…or did it? A glaring advertisement for 'Iron Man Tonic' blinked at me as I started to read my email…